end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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