College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
