Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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