Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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