i was born a porn star she said
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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