Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
