Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
