playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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