Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
