He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
