good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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