apparently the secret to your success is patron
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
After tacos, we're chasing women.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
