Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
