The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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