After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
