I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
