Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
