I can't breathe out the right side of my face
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
you never un-have a 4some
Randomize
