I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
