either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize