I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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