the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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