She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
