I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
