Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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