my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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