Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
