i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
