I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
