After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
