i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
