Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
this is an emotional support booty call
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
