Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
