he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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