no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
