I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
The best revenge is premature balding
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
