All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
