You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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