I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Drake has all the answers
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
