We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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