on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
