It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
