Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
