Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
