Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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