i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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