trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
