my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
