i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
