I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
