i always forget guys have bellybuttons
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
