And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
