Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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