Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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