Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Enjoy the penises
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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