I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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