do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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