I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize