Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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