All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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