just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
