I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I wanna passion pit in your ass
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
