was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
