yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
