never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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