I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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