He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
