we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
