Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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