I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
