i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
