if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
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I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
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Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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