I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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