he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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