What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I love you. Go after that dick
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