When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
